A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Fleshlight’s new iPad holster and dropped a whole bunch of future/sex terms without really explaining what the hell I was talking about. Sometimes when you write about this stuff day in and day out you forget that not everyone speaks the super nerdy, not-really-sexy-at-all terminology that you throw around like grade 5 vocabulary.

While I’m assuming most folks know what dildos and hookup apps are, there are plenty of sex tech words that are super weird. This post is for all of you who are, a) as dorky as me and therefore fascinated by this stuff, b) curious in general, c) slightly perverted and wanna know all of the new ways you can get off.

Really, most of you probably fall under, d) all of the above. I’m cool with that. Come join me for some learnin’, you pervy nerds, you.

Haptic Technology and Teledildonics

Okay, so the very first thing we have to talk about is haptic technology, a term that gives you basically zero clues about what the fuck it means in the name itself. Hapt-a what now?

Wikipedia defines haptic technology as: a tactile feedback technology which recreates the sense of touch by applying forces, vibrations, or motions to the user.

Yeah, okay, whatever Wikipedia. Way to make it even less cool.

The best way to describe haptic tech is to go waaaay back to the old school arcade games where you “race” cars. You know the ones I’m talking about: you maneuver the wheel through a race course and the “car” around you shakes and tilts in response to what you do. That’s haptic technology translating what’s happening onto the screen into physical sensations that you can feel.

When we’re talking about haptic tech and sex, though, we’re usually talking about apps that control some kind of sex toy. Instead of using your own hand or even a remote control, haptic technology toys utilize bluetooth and wireless networks to control toys.

Which brings us to teledildonics, a word that I still have difficulty saying out loud. Teledildonics refers to the toys that haptic technology controls. They’re the bluetooth-enabled vibrators tucked in the people’s underwear as their partners get them off from as close as face-to-face or as far away as the other side of the world. Honey just clicks on the phone like she’s texting and bzzzzzz, it’s fun for everyone.

If you’re interested in this kind of play: Definitely check out OhMiBod, one of the current leaders in haptic tech and teledildonics.

Oculus Rift

Oculus Rift is the name of the now Facebook-owned virtual reality technology that raised almost $2.5 million on a goal of $250,000 on Kickstarter two years ago. While the original use of Oculus Rift was gaming, companies are obviously developing porn for it already.

Utilizing haptic technology, OR has the potential to truly change the way we have virtual sex. While we’re not there yet (the only OR porn so far is pretty, um, rough…) OR creates the possibility of impossible sex, gender exploration, sex with mythical creatures… The list of possibilities is limitless and endlessly exciting.

If you’re interested in this kind of play: Check out what Wicked Paradise and Lucid Dreams are up to. (OBVIOUSLY NSFW)

3D Printed Sex Toys

I guess this isn’t so much a sex tech vocabulary item (I mean, it’s pretty self explanatory, right?) but it is a very future/sex thing. 3D printing is crazy popular these days, with stores cropping up that can do it for you and Amazon even offering a 3D printing store. It only makes sense that sex toys would be popping out of those bad boys as soon as people figured out how to design them.

The biggest issue right now with 3D printed sex toys is that the printers aren’t yet able to print in body-safe, non absorbent materials. However, for those of you who can’t stand the thought of not owning a Justin Bieber head vibrator, there are sealants you can buy to make sure all of your toys are fuckable and cleanable. There’s also one company that says their toys are made of medical grade silicone so… There’s that option.

If you’re interested in this kind of play: Makerlove and Dongiverse have been on the 3D printed dildo game for awhile, but I recently discovered French Coqs, a relatively new site that appears to be more up to date and will take care of the whole process for you.

Future/sex

So there you have it, pervs and nerds, a quick little rundown of the most common future/sex and sex/tech words out there today. I’m sure some of you know even more than I do, so if I missed anything, leave me a note in the comments or tweet at me @MissEmmaMcG? I’m always excited to learn more.

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